*You know that a MOM is a Mom of Multiples.
*You ask the clerk at Sam’s club if they sell Duct Tape in bulk.
*You consider going to the hospital for any procedure a vacation.
*You are the only parents who can utter, “Stop playing with that, it’s not YOUR penis” with a perfectly straight face.
*You arrive at your doctor’s appointments early just to read the magazines in peace.
*You laugh at singleton moms that are struggling to get their stroller out of the car.
*You wonder how come singleton moms need a diaper bag the size of a suitcase, while you travel with enough for your babies in a bag half the size.
*You can unload three babies from car seats and put them in your stroller WHILE you are laughing at the singleton mom getting her stroller out of her car.
*You look at a closet full of diapers and think “I’m running low”.
*A regular sized pack of diapers lasts only 3 days.
*You are obsessed with diapers.
*You feel like a sheepherder instead of a parent
*You have people asking if you run a daycare because that’s what your yard looks like.
*You can carry 3 plates of food and 3 cups to the table without spilling anything and you’ve never been a waitress.
*You no longer have a proper name you are either “The lady with Triplets or Moooooooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
*You find yourself singing songs from the Wiggles while at Walmart.
*You automatically divide or multiply everything by 3.*You have diapers in your purse, in the glove compartment, your desk drawer and in every room of the house – just in case.
*You hope that the FDA counts ketchup as a vegetable.
*You stop and tell a co-worker that you are “going to the potty”.
*Your monthly grocery budget is greater than the annual budget for the State of Rhode Island.
*Four hours of sleep is “fully rested” and falling asleep over the kitchen sink is a “fulfilling nap”.
*Every single electronic device’s buttons in your home are covered by duct tape.
*You buy Motrin, Cough Syrup, etc, 3 at a time, and the clerk looks at you funny, while the whole time you are wishing they sold it in gallon containers.
*You’ve fallen asleep in any of these places: The shower, washing dishes, sitting on the floor reading them a book, with your fork on the way to your mouth.
*Everyone in the neighborhood knows who you are, even though you’ve never met them before.
*You’ve ever truly considered strangling someone who said, “you’ve got your hands full” or “I’d shoot myself”.
*You are both shocked by the rudeness, and amazed by the kindness of strangers in the same 60 seconds upon entering Walmart.
*If you’ve ever charted poops pees and food intake.
*You have to wash the dinner dishes by hand because the dishwasher is full of bottles.
*The singleton mom in front of you at Walmart buying one can of formula and one bag of diapers complains about the price and you have to restrain yourself from hitting a complete stranger.
*You know what its means to “live better through chemical intervention”.
*You are both revered and hated by the staff at your pediatrician’s office.
*You don’t see anything unusual with the fact that you know not one, but several, triplet or quad moms.
*The awareness of silence strikes terror into your soul.
*You know the black market value of a Runabout stroller.
*You consider cereal dumped on the middle of the floor, not to be bad parenting, but rather a unique picnic breakfast!
*All kids are aware that any sippy cup left unattended is fair game.
*Whining is heard not just in stereo, but in surround sound!
*Your peri says you look like a beached whale at 24 weeks.
*You know what the word Peri stands for.
*You use the word singleton.
*You refer to your babies as A B and C and they are color coded.
*$15.00 baby outfits seem too expensive.
*You buy a single weeks worth of formula, and the clerk asks you if you are stocking up.
*You laugh at singleton moms for sterilizing pacifiers.
*You can’t stop yours from sucking on each others fingers, nose, ears, toes etc, so you just shake your head because you know those germs are building up their immune system.
*You pick up a dropped paci, and just blow the dust off rather than rinsing it because after all, 5 minutes ago they shared it with the dog, and you didn’t get to it in time before they put it back in their mouths. What’s a little dust?
*You intentionally feed all 3 kids from the same spoon and bowel even though one is sick, because you can’t bear the thought of 3 consecutive 2 week cold sessions, you’d rather have them sick at the same time.
*When discussing child proofing and singleton moms say “you just have to tell them no, you can’t child proof everything” and you laugh and say “Wanna Bet?”
*After 20 minutes in the car you realize you are not only listening to the kids tape, but you are singing along with it, and there are no kids in the car.
*The $250 travel system stroller that singleton moms complain about being too big, look like toy strollers to you.
*You say to your husband, mom, the dog, etc... “if you wake up these babies I’ll kill you” and you mean it.
*All of a sudden everyone you know, knows someone with Twins.
*Crib Tents? You can’t afford NOT to buy them.
*You consider leashes a viable safety option Velcro is your new best friend. *You burst into laughter at the site of a diaper Genie… AS IF….!!
*Duct tape practically pays for itself.
*You know what a crib tent is!
*You no longer have a coffee table, end tables, or lamps in your living room, and everything else is 4 feet off the floor.
*Your home has become a complex maze of gates, locks and barricades.
*Your kids have never actually walked through the zoo or store, because getting out of the stroller is NOT an option.
*You are not horrified at the idea of “waking a sleeping baby” to eat. After all, it is time to EAT so sayeth the master schedule!
*And whats with the one day supply of infant Tylenol… don’t they know I need a 10oz bottle?
*You make a grilled cheese sandwich, put it on a little green plastic plate , and cut it into little tiny pieces. Then you realize the kids are napping and the sandwich is for you.
*You delivered 16 lbs of baby, and didn’t set any records.
*You don’t think the Suburban is a large vehicle.
*When hearing of a new pregnancy, you first question is “just one?”
*You call one baby a singleton (before your HOM arrived, it was just “a baby”)
*If the choice is sex or sleep, the answer is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
*You don’t want to potty train because the though of trying to take all 3 to a public bathroom yourself sends shivers up and down your spine.
*You make formula by the gallon and it lasts only 24 hours.
*You haven’t been to your parent’s house in a year, and they only live three blocks away.
*You realize you can sweep up small milk spills with your broom and dustpan.
*And you will know you have a friend who is also a M.O.M mother when:
*You don’t find it strange that she has driven to five or six doctor’s appointments this week.
*You know you will have someone to grumble with you about the establishments that require a one child/one parent policy
*Outsiders think you have your own private M.O.M. language of terms and jokes, and they are right!
*It doesn’t matter if the two of you had nothing in common before your kids arrived because you have EVERYTHING in common now!
Praise God they enjoy their swings sometimes. But they're starting to learn that they'd prefer to be held all day. They CLEARLY don't understand that they're triplets yet. Especially my baby girl... she really believes she's a singleton.
Shane... He says hello big world.
